We’re back from Italy! This was the second part of our trip after Rome, the island of Capri. Sweet fucking Christ it was beautiful. I already miss it so much.
hi I love Italy and I’m not coming back you can’t make me
I know this isn’t profound but I was thinking how many episodes of the show Cops I’ve seen and sometimes when I’m watching I get disappointed and think in my head: “Aw man the domestic abuse segments suck, I want some more car chases god damn it!” Then I immediately register that instinctive thought and think another thought: ”Holy shit, this isn’t fake, these are real people and my brain sees it as a circus, a facade, a show, theater. You’re a terrible human being.”
Maybe there was a similar 27 year old fucking idiot like myself way back in Roman times at the Colosseum watching the mayhem below who thought to himself: ”Aw man I hate when they do slave against slave fights, I want some more people being eaten by tigers god damn it!”
Chuckie: Look, you’re my online friend, so don’t take this the wrong way. In 20 years, if you’re still postin’ GPOYs, reblogging food, I’ll fuckin’ kill you. That’s not a threat, that’s a fact. I’ll fuckin’ kill you.
Will: What the fuck are you talkin’ about?
Chuckie: Look, you got somethin’ that none of us-
Will: Oh, come on! Why is it always this, I mean, I fuckin’ owe it to myself to unplug and live my life? What if I don’t want to?
Chuckie: No. No, no, no. No, fuck you. You don’t owe it to yourself. You owe it to us. ‘Cause tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be 50 posting an SST. And I’ll still be doing this shit. And that’s alright, that’s fine. I mean, you’re sittin’ on a winning lottery ticket, a happy life, and you’re too much of a pussy to unplug. And that’s bullshit. `Cause I’d do anything to fuckin’ have what you got. So would any of these fuckin’ guys. It’d be an insult to us if you’re still here postin your face from a downward angle to hide the fat in 20 years. Hanging around here is a fuckin’ waste of your time.
Will: You don’t know that.
Chuckie: I don’t?
Will: No. You don’t know that.
Chuckie: Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I turn on tumblr and I scroll the dash. And we reblog a few pics from TV shows and have a few laughs, and it’s great. But you know what the best part of my day is? It’s for about 10 seconds from when tumblr is loading to when I scroll and see your name. Because I think maybe I’ll scroll down and you won’t be there. No goodbye, no see you later, no nothin’. Just left. I don’t know much, but I know that.
I have today off and I was gonna finish our table that we worked to make distressed but it’s rainy outside and I can’t put polyurethane on a table inside because the fumes will make my brain think I’m on Mars fucking a crater or something. On second thought, let’s get fucked up.
Instead today I’m reading The Shining. I read it years ago and I kinda forgot how awesomely creepy this book was. Not so much the ghosts and fucked up imagery but the characters are so hauntingly sad and normal. I think as a kid the ghosts scared me more because i didn’t know anything about life yet but now as an adult and knowing a little about life, Jack’s character and his inner turmoil scare the shit out of me.
I’m reading more straight-forward books for awhile because I’ve been on a Thomas Pynchon binge with his first four books and my brain hurts. Most difficult stuff I’ve ever read but easily some of the most beautiful and incredible. I think a line in the middle of Gravity’s Rainbow sums up that whole book: “It is difficult to perceive just what the fuck is happening here.” I mean there’s a part where a chick with a glass dildo full of lavender liquid and baby piranhas swimming inside puts it in a transvestite’s ass. Anyway, highly recommend that book and dildo.
I’m going to Italy next Friday and if I’m being honest I’ve thought more about the food than the historical sights. I’m gonna get so fat I won’t be able to see my dick, folks.
Have a wonderful Friday people and forgive my horrible appearance right now, I haven’t showered or put on my make-up yet.
No idea what made me think of this but a couple weeks ago, Gilmo, Jusky and myself went looking for adventure and found it at a driving range.
On the way there an enormous luxury car was driving on our right. If you subscribe to Freud you would conclude this man has a small penis and hates himself for it and is compensating through this large phallic metallic roadster.
The man himself was screaming on the phone while simultaneously waving his arms at a driver in front of him in a much smaller vehicle. This could be because the driver was terrible but if we’re continuing with Freud, you get the picture.
Anyway, he blasted by us and we saw his license plate. “DEELMKR” it read. Dealmaker we assumed. Let that sink in a minute how douchey that is. But it was a beautiful thing to think of this sad piece of shit going to the DMV with “DEALMKR” on his form only to be told by a state representative “It appears DEALMKR is taken.”
I’m assuming his stomach started to squirm, his face turned red, he might have shed a tear thinking of every time he couldn’t satisfy his wife.
"But what about DEELMKR? We can give you that one." He reluctantly agrees and drives home, his penis completely flaccid, docile, broken, until late at night when he leaves his bed (wife asleep with wine stained lips) and puts a post-it note scribed with a large "A" on it and places it on his DEELMKR license plate to crudely transform it into DEALMKR. He cries while he masturbates and a neighbor sees him, calls the police, and he spends years in prison.
While there he meets a man named Jasper who does tattoo work for a price. Let’s not get into details about what he had to do for Jasper but involved I Love Lucy fan fiction and rubber gloves. The time came for getting his ink.
"What you want bitch?" Jasper asks.
"DEALMKR" he says.
He can barely contain his excitement but holds still lest the tattoo be ruined. This was his fucking destiny, nothing could stop him after this was over.
"Alright it’s finished. What do you think bitch?"
His smile turned to ultimate horror as he looked in the mirror. Covering his entire back was a swastika and below it, one word, reading… “DEELMKR.”
Hey gurl you want some SST I got it right here: Erika and I at a wedding last weekend.
I’d definitely fuck us.
So I was perusing GoodReads (great site) and there was a list made of most popular books started and not finished. The usual suspects are present: Anna Karenina, War and Peace, Catch 22, etc. The Bible is also on there (average of a 4.35 star rating btw - not bad guys!) and the reviews are so great. Here’s my favorite so enjoy:
"Badly edited, poor continuity and internal consistency. Authors seem to change between books. Plot is cliched and thin, with virtually no character development save for Judas Iscariot. The main characters of Jesus and Moses are entirely one dimensional messianic figures. The novel opens with Adam and Eve, and then ignores them for the next thousand pages or so. The built-in bookmark was a nice touch, but a little pretentious."
Nothing beats an adventure.
Erika and I are going on vacation to Italy! I can’t believe we’re doing it, it’s very surreal and of course I don’t feel I deserve such a nice trip but whatever it’s happening anyway and I’ll just have to fucking deal with the guilt.
What’s cool is that one of the stops we’ll be making is good ol’ Napoli, where my mom’s side of the family is from. However, because my great-grandfather (who immigrated here from there) was a mean and abusive son of a bitch, he never got around to telling anyone in the family about the old country. Nothing.
That kind of sucks. I was hoping to visit some of the spots where the Aldorisio’s hung out and made olive oil or whatever the hell they did. But then again, if they left Italy for Boston it probably wasn’t too pretty for them. Maybe they ate rats to survive!
I guess when I’m there I’ll just have to imagine the past and make up my own history for my family. Like maybe I’ll walk by a bench and say to some random Italian: “Yep, that’s where my great-grandparents fucked all night and made my grandpa.”
Anyway I haven’t been on here forever. HOW IS EVERYONE?!
Things like what happened today should be a reminder that things CAN change in this country, but it takes a Long. Fucking. Time.
To do it right and legally anyway. This particular debate is decades-old, and it’s still not over. There are still only a handful of places you can get married to your same-sex partner. The fight for equality goes on.
Anyway, I think this is important because people are so fucking impatient. If you don’t like something, ANYTHING it seems today, the immediate reaction is “DURR WELL I GUESS WE SHOULD OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT’S NOT HAPPENING YET THE SYSTEM IS BROKE CHAOS PANIC.” Grow up.
Jesus Christ. Change takes time. It takes effort. It takes sacrifice. It takes pragmitism. And there will be many losses along the way to that change. Massive change cannot exist immediately in this country BY DESIGN. Deal with it!
The same-sex marriage thing is important because it does show that change can happen, even if it’s painfully slow and backwards-seeming. It’s a fucking beautiful thing. Why am I even talking? I’ll let Andrew Sullivan say it better:
"This happened the right way - from the ground up, with argument, with lawsuits, with cultural change, with individual courage. I remember being told in the early 1990s that America was far too bigoted a place to allow marriage equality.
I trusted the system. And it worked. From 1989 (when I wrote the first case for this on the cover of a national magazine) to today is less than a quarter century. Amazing, when you think of how long it took for humanity to even think about this deep wound in the human psyche.
So to those who are often tempted to write off America’s ability to perfect its union still further, to lead the world in the clarity of its moral and political discourse, and to resist the pull of fundamentalism when it conflicts with human dignity, let me just say: I believe.
Because I have seen.”
I’m done with work and would like to meet you people. new faces, old faces, and in between!
Are you at the hotel? Do you like hanging out with a fucking idiot? Then I’m your guy.
Look. I don’t know what you wanted. I fucking LOVED that movie. I’m sorry for the older folks that wanted him to be a carefree fuck that smiled even though he was GOD ON EARTH.
They did it right. In this time of cynicism I can’t think of a better depiction of Superman. Was the movie perfect? No. Was it what was needed? Yes. That fucking Superman was perfect.
A lot of people died and Superman couldn’t stop it all. That’s fucking amazing. The best part of him is that while he’s omnipotent he can’t save us all.
So seriously fuck every critic that hated the movie because he wasn’t happy or cute or smiley. You’re the worst type of person.
This movie portrayed him perfectly: a person with unimaginable power figuring out what that means. I guess it would be better for you to have him negate the thought of that and just smile? Fuck you. That’s irresponsible and that’s not the Superman I know.
It’s adorable so many Americans think their lives are actually interesting enough to warrant their government to actively spy on them